Wow! It has been a long time since I last posted. So much has changed in the blogosphere. WordPress has a magenta Publish button instead of blue. Carl from 1500days stopped eating peanut butter blossom cookies (an impossible task). Other things.
I had to see what Carl is up to, because he is the reason you’re even getting this post. Last summer he penciled me in for February 1st for his “10 Questions” series so I could promote my blog (it’s what best friends do for each other). I woke up today realizing I have less than a week to pretend I still have a blog! Pfft. Thanks for the forewarning, Carl.
Shoot. What do I have to talk about?
We’ll, I’m sure you’re all wondering if I made the $5,000 in side income I was aiming for in 2018, per my much hyped resolution last January.
Negative. Negative money, actually, I mean.
I spent thousands of dollars on developing my beloved Half Hour Hank app instead (shiny objects, you know).
Maybe someday you’ll get the play-by-play about how and why I spectacularly failed at that “$5,000 challenge”. But not today. For now, that secret lives only in the dust bunnies with all my other dirty laundry on the closeted skeletal remains of all my other broken blog promises (Read: Crispy Cabbage Campaign Pledge).
Today you are getting a much more uplifting story… We’re halfway through our 7-Year Plan!
Don’t let the title at the top of the page fool you. The two people who read this blog (Cubert from Abandoned Cubicle and the World’s (other) Worst Blogger over at My Son’s Father) and the one person who uses the Half Hour Hank app (Joel at FI180) all know that I like alliteration and the letter “H” and bad metaphors, so you get the much more negatively toned Humpday is the Hardest as a title.
Plus, we are going to start out negative. Hating on Humpday, to illustrate where we are on our 7-Year journey. We’ll get to the positive part later. Hopefully, my little metaphor will make sense in the end. These things don’t always work out.
I hate Humpday
There. I said it. Even though it has a cute little nickname, Wednesday sucks!
Don’t get me wrong, I love that Geico commercial with the camel, but aside from that, there’s no reason to like Wednesday. Not if you’re a corporate drone like me, at least. And, pro tip: You can watch that Geico camel commercial on YouTube any day of the week.
You say, “No, Crispy. It is Monday that sucks the big one. Everybody knows that.”
Fine. Mondays are bad. But on Monday you’re well rested from the weekend and people generally give you space to ease into the grind. Monday sucks less than Wednesday.
“What about Tuesday? Surely Tuesday sucks more than Wednesday. Further from the weekend and so forth.”
Not so. By Tuesday you’ve hit a bit of a stride. You haven’t yet been worn down by the drudgery of the cubicle quite yet. There’s a reason it’s considered the most productive day of the week (I heard that from somebody somewhere).
You’re making a fool out of yourself, dude. Do I really have to explain this?
Thursday is when I officially give you permission to make plans for the weekend. Thursday is when the path to the weekend is finally revealed. By midday Thursday, the schedule and workload for the rest of the week is pretty solid and surprises are rare. With things in focus, you regain momentum from Tuesday to power through that workload.
Shut your mouth! You coast on Friday and leave early. Everybody knows that!
Wednesday, though. Oh man. On Wednesday, all kinds of crazy shit can happen. Who’s read the children’s book Wacky Wednesday? Take a moment and have it read to you by this woman with the pleasantly British voice.
It’s true. All true. Airplanes flying backwards, random boots everywhere… Wacky. Wednesday.
It’s on Wednesday that your manager sends you on random Snipe hunts in the dry brush as he madly spins his wheels trying to figure out exactly how to squeeze the most busy-work out of a week that’s already half gone. It’s on Wednesday that all the fires pop up.
Meanwhile, you’re already exhausted from your exceedingly productive Tuesday and the weekend is still oh so far away. You can’t possibly find your way there through all the smoke. Not with all those damn boots everywhere!
I think I nailed the metaphor
My friends. This perfectly illustrates exactly where my family and I are on the path of our 7-Year Plan.
Quick reminder: Our 7-Year Plan To A Runway Retirement started in June 2015 and is our goal to be debt free (excluding mortgage) and save 3-5 years of “runway” money by 2022 for the design of our ultimate life.
Here we are at Humpday of the the 7-Year Plan and shit is crazy. In my head, I mean.
I’m the hapless middle manager spinning his wheels. Desperately grasping at straws and stressing everyone out to try to do something productive to “improve” the 7-Year Plan, when all my family has to do now is happily go about the normal business of our daily lives and wait out the clock.
Sometimes I think I manifest money crises with my mind because I just worry so much about something random knocking us off course. My wife’s $1,000 fender-bender last year. Was that me? Not ruling it out. The trade-war and government shutdown and teetering economy? Could be me.
When I’m not middle-managing, I’m obsessively watching the clock. I’ve got one of those countdown apps on my phone. The countdown is my crutch. I launch the app many times a day to ruminate my life away. That’s no good, either. I’ve gotta stop doing that.
And now the mid-week mental exhaustion has really set in. Especially since so much of our early work was the hard work of aggressively tackling debt that required a ton of focus. We’ve come so far, but our savings stash has had to lag behind a bit while we addressed the negative side of our balance sheet. And we can’t fully reap the rewards of the 7-Year Plan for another three years?! Who came up with this?
The next three years is when the savings really starts to pile up, tripling or even quadrupling by 2022. The next three years could set us up beautifully. But I’m so tempted to cash in now with a little over 1 year’s worth of runway savings.
Thursday is coming
Happily, I think we’re in the last hours of Humpday. All this smoke will clear soon. The path to our life in 2022 will become much more clear. My wife and I will start making concrete plans for 2022. I’ll refocus on the steps needed to make those plans a reality instead of ruminating on my worries and throwing darts in a blind panic. We’ll soon be able to feel the effects of having years (← plural) of runway in the bank as our savings swells.
We’ll answer the following questions… for real this time, as runway retirement becomes less and less of a theoretical pipe-dream and more and more of a hard-core reality… and the answers will be really enticing:
Exactly where do we want to live? Name the place. We can relocate to just about anywhere or stay put surrounded by family in the comfort of the Twin Cities.
What kind of house? With this kind of stash, maybe we can build our dream home… with a ping-pong table in the basement.
How will we make a living? We’ll have years of buffer in the bank. Figure out what fills your bucket and don’t worry about the money for now.
What will we do for fun? Maybe same as above, right?
How do we want to raise our son? In close proximity to him with all the time in the world to hang out while he still wants to.
Where and how do we want to travel? Slow-rolling through the States in an Airstream Think, Save, Retire-style?
Exactly how much money do we need? Maybe we won’t need to go the whole 7-year distance to find our groove and reach our ultimate goals.
All that was just a long-winded way to say we’re halfway through our 7-Year Plan. We’ve destroyed our debt and built up a bit of a cushion. We’re almost on the other side of Humpday and it feels pretty good.
And with that, I’m officially back to blogging. Right when things are about to get super exciting. Much more to come. Stay tuned.
Now, all I have to do is figure out how to draw a camel…
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